by fourpointdigital | Jan 29, 2026 | Uncategorized
Why are the majority of DEI workshops and webinars attended by women? Why are men reluctant to join the executive teams in their gender equality networks? Why are men less likely to volunteer to share their experiences of parenting and flexible working on their workplace intranet?
Engaging men in gender equality work, and sometimes DEI more generally, is an issue that many a diversity lead has faced. I experienced it too, while I was the Head of DEI Delivery at the Treasury. It’s this experience, in addition to my own personal experiences around fatherhood, mental health and working with men through my organisation MusicFootballFatherhood, that has helped me to think differently about why some men are reluctant to engage in conversations around gender equality and how we as DEI practitioners, speakers and facilitators can change our approach to engaging men in these conversations.
Are men resistant to change?
Allow me to be completely honest with you and say that I’ve found that a small portion of men (and people overall) are resistant to change. They have found it difficult to adapt to, or proactively resisted, the new world and don’t want to understand their privilege, how they can be better allies or how they can benefit from gender equality. They have lived within a system that they have perceived to have served them for so long and they are not interested in changing that, being uncomfortable and having progressive conversations. But, it’s important to emphasise that this is a small portion of people and not reflective at all of men across our society.
The overwhelmingly large majority of men want to do more. They want to engage and they want to take part in the DEI conversation. Yes, some are disillusioned with feeling like they are always spoken to as part of the problem. Some don’t understand the language. Some want to engage but don’t feel that DEI is for them. But all are fundamentally positive people who want to learn, grow and do their part in building a better world for the families, culture, communities and wider society.
This is where I think it’s up to us, DEI practitioners, speakers and changemakers to think about how best to engage this majority.
Why gender equality is beneficial to women….and men
There is often the narrative that gender equality means that men lose. But it’s quite the opposite. Gender equality is good for all of us.
A recent World Health Organisation study showed that countries with greater gender equality have better outcomes for men in areas such as life expectancy, mental health, cardiovascular diseases and violent abuse. The traditional (and outdated) ideas of masculinity, that are at the root of gender inequality, lead to men participating in risk-taking behaviours, misusing alcohol and can have devastating effects on men’s mental and physical health.
Breaking down those outdating ideas of masculinity and improving gender equality means families can design their caring responsibilities in a way that suits them and dads can be more active fathers in the home. It means that men can step outside of the box that many of us are stuck in. It means we can have better friendships, better relationships and a fuller life. Gender equality means we can be more vulnerable and seek help and support for the challenges we face.
For me, it’s how we communicate and frame this message that is pivotal to how we start to engage men.
Call them in, not out
The approach I have seen from many organisations is one which centres around calling men out and focusing on how they can be better allies. Don’t get me wrong, there is most definitely a space for this and I think this approach should continue. Men hold huge privilege and most definitely need to do better in many ways. Men need to be better allies, we need to be accountable, we need to take responsibility for the actions of the men around us, we need to address misogynistic behaviours and we need to learn more.
However, I have found that alongside this approach, there is another way to have the conversation. And this starts with calling men in, not out. It’s an approach that focuses on the issues that affect men around gender equality. I know this can sounds counter-intuitive, as men hold so much privilege, but hear me out.
Psychology Today looked at the behaviours behind the term toxic masculinity. They defined toxic masculinity as not showing a range of emotions, not seeking help and support for struggles, pressure to be the main breadwinner, pressure to win by any means. These behaviours are damaging and contribute to the poor mental health and suicide outcomes for men, physical abuse against men and women and the motherhood penalty.
My approach is to centre men in this conversation and discuss the issues that affect them. Issues such as body image, work/life balance, financial worries, pressure to be the breadwinner but also an active father, difficulty maintaining close friendships and the inability to be open about their mental health challenges.
My approach is talk about the fact that men are also the victims of toxic masculinity and how many men have been taught to be stoic, not seek help and community and not to talk openly about their emotions. I bring colleagues together to talk about how we can break out of societal expectations and truly be ourselves, for the benefit of everyone
For many men in your organisation, this will be the first time that they have experienced a session where their needs are centred. It brings men in, shows them that they are listened too. After which, we are in a much better place to have a deep, honest and practical conversation about allyship A conversation around how we can all be allies to men to encourage them to practise positive masculinity and how men can use their privilege and be allies to women in the home, in our communities and in the workplace.
I have worked with many organisations who would typically get around 10% of their session attendees being male, but during my sessions they average around 50% attendance from men. My sessions ‘What it means to be a man in 2022’ and ‘Equal allies: how men and women can better support each other’ have been successful in engaging men in gender equality conversations and contributing to a more inclusive culture for everyone.
How I can help you to engage men in conversations around gender equality
My work is all about presenting new ideas, creating inclusive environments for open conversations and being a catalyst for culture change. I love to challenge internalised beliefs and highlight how we are all capable and responsible for change. I specialise in supporting dads in the workplace, redefining masculinity, allyship, dad’s and men’s mental health, gender equality, inclusive relationships and creating family friendly workplaces and communities.
I frequently work with HR leads, staff parenting networks, gender networks, D&I teams and leadership teams through workshops and keynotes. I pride myself on providing an excellent service and tailoring my work to provide unique solutions to help address your objectives.
All my sessions are emotive, raw, and powerful. They are grounded in personal stories while incorporating the latest research, data and best practise. I use slido, Q&A and panel discussions to ensure my sessions are interactive and immersive. This is all packaged up in a friendly, personable and relaxed approach with a nice sprinkle of humour.
To help support you to see the culture change you desire, my sessions are supported with carefully crafted communications materials to set the tone for the events and encourage participation before the event. And post-event, I provide toolkits to support team-level conversations using content and outputs from the workshop to facilitate further conversations and embed culture change.
I am all about helping you to achieve your objectives, whether that be launching your parenting network, supporting your colleagues mental health and wellbeing, engaging more men in your DEI and gender equality work, building an inclusive culture with allyship at the core or helping senior leaders to foster more inclusive relationships.
Find out more here
by fourpointdigital | Jan 29, 2026 | Uncategorized
When my daughter was born it was the best and most difficult time of my life. She was born with an infection called Group B Strep which is serious and life threatening. She had to be resuscitated in one corner of the room and in the other corner my wife was losing lots of blood. We spent 2 weeks in hospital in intensive care and when we got the good news that we could go home, I had a few days at home before my paternity leave finished. I had a weekend at home then it was back to my busy job.
I didn’t take time to process, understand and accept what had happened. My wife and I would be in A&E at least once a week for the first few months as we were so worried about our daughter’s health. I started having flashbacks and nightmares. I became anxious and withdrawn. I find it difficult to perform at work and I would become emotional. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD around 18 months after my daughter was born and I received help and support. I spoke about this in an in-depth BBC article here.
What really stuck with me is why I didn’t feel that it was safe to share what I was going through with anyone, apart from my wife. Ideas of being a strong man, of not showing vulnerability were dominant. I have also understood how good us humans can be at putting on a brave face to the world.
I became really interested in this and have since dedicated my life’s work to issues around fatherhood, mental health and masculinity. My BBC documentary, Becoming Dad, is the first primetime show of its kind to discuss these issues at length. My work has led me to consult with the NHS to introduce better mental health support and screening for new dads, campaign Government to reform policies and work with organisations to help them support the men and dads in their organisations.
The statistics around men’s mental health
Men’s mental health is such a massively under-discussed topic. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45. In my opinion it’s not that men have more challenges than women, but we are not as good at seeking help for or problems early enough. I speak in-depth here around the traditional and outdated) ideas around masculinity that mean men are much less likely to seek support from professional services, colleagues or friendship groups.
To contextualise the extent of the problem:
- In England, around one in eight men has a common mental health problem such as depression, anxiety, panic disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
- 39% of new dads are concerned about their mental health and 1 in 10 new dads will experience some kind of PND symptoms in the first 6 months
- Men are less likely to access psychological therapies than women: only 36% of referrals to NHS talking therapies are for men.
- 3 out of every 4 suicides in the UK are men and suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45
Supporting men’s mental health is pivotal for a well-functioning society and healthy families. It’s pivotal to infant development, supporting partners through post-natal depression, enabling healthy relationships and suicide prevention.
The impact of poor men’s mental health in the workplace
When it comes to retention, recruitment, engagement and productivity, ensuring men’s mental health needs to be a priority.
Statistics from Parent Cloud platform tell us:
- Stress, depression and anxiety are responsible for 54% of all working days lost due to health issues
- 55% of workers would seek a new job if their mental health was not being supported by their employer
- Each year it costs businesses £1,300 per employee whose mental health needs are not supported
- Engaged employees bring in 43% more revenue than disengaged ones
What can be done to support men’s mental health in the workplace
Good working practices for all employees will support men’s mental health. This includes good flexible working arrangements, especially as many of us adjust to this new hybrid way of working, empathetic and trained line managers, a real focus on realistic workloads and deadlines and good parental leave packages.
To build on this, employees will benefit from specific mental health support in place through Employee Assistance Programmes and Mental Health First Aiders. This should be supported by a fully developed mental health strategy with clear and well publicised channels for employees to raise concerns and receive support.
But fundamentally it’s about culture and creating an environment where men can be open to speak about their challenges. Changing culture is about leadership, role modelling, communicating and living the values. It’s about a culture of vulnerability. It’s about our inter-personal relationships and how we relate to one-another. It’s how we support and listen. It’s how we create psychologically safe spaces in all our interactions.
For me, this culture change starts with conversation.
I work with all different kind of organisations, from law firms and professional services companies, to engineering organisations with customer facing roles, to retail, to the public sector. Each industry and work environment will have its own unique challenges but many have a common issue; engaging men in vulnerable conversations around mental health, wellbeing and inclusion.
I can help create an open culture around mental health through my workshops and keynotes. My session ‘The Truth about men and dad’s mental health’ has been transformative to help organisations open the conversation about male mental health.
How I can help you to support men’s mental health in your organisation
My work is all about presenting new ideas, creating inclusive environments for open conversations and being a catalyst for culture change. I love to challenge internalised beliefs and highlight how we are all capable and responsible for change. I specialise in supporting dads in the workplace, redefining masculinity, allyship, dad’s and men’s mental health, gender equality, inclusive relationships and creating family friendly workplaces and communities.
I frequently work with HR leads, staff parenting networks, gender networks, D&I teams and leadership teams through workshops and keynotes. I pride myself on providing an excellent service and tailoring my work to provide unique solutions to help address your objectives.
All my sessions are emotive, raw, and powerful. They are grounded in personal stories while incorporating the latest research, data and best practise. I use slido, Q&A and panel discussions to ensure my sessions are interactive and immersive. This is all packaged up in a friendly, personable and relaxed approach with a nice sprinkle of humour.
To help support you to see the culture change you desire, my sessions are supported with carefully crafted communications materials to set the tone for the events and encourage participation before the event. And post-event, I provide toolkits to support team-level conversations using content and outputs from the workshop to facilitate further conversations and embed culture change.
I am all about helping you to achieve your objectives, whether that be launching your parenting network, supporting your colleagues mental health and wellbeing, engaging more men in your DEI and gender equality work, building an inclusive culture with allyship at the core or helping senior leaders to foster more inclusive relationships.
Find out more here
by fourpointdigital | Jan 29, 2026 | Uncategorized
I started MusicFootballFatherhood as a kind of self therapy, an outlet to express my thoughts after becoming a new dad. Never in a million years did I think it would take me to Parliament and to putting on an awards show with University of Birmingham to celebrate employers who are supporting dads.
When my wife and I were going through our difficult period as new parents, I needed my workplace to be supportive. And they were. I know how important employers are to shaping the lives of families. This is important work. Real work.
On Tuesday 24th May 2022 we held the inaugural Working Dads Employer Awards and for me it was one of the best professional days of my life. The awards was an idea I had late last year in 2021 with the aim of celebrating some of the employers that are doing good work to support working dads and amplify their work to share best practise with other organisations who are looking for innovative ways to support dads. To see it come to life and be so successful has been overwhelming and humbling.
Developing the awards with the University of Birmingham
Working with the University of Birmingham to put the awards together has been an absolute pleasure. Together we make a great team. Sam Draper and I from the MFF team bring the view from dads as a peer support organisation that champions equal parenting and works with organisations on culture change and Dr Sarah Forbes and Dr Holly Birkett from the University of Birmingham bring the research and policy expertise.
I also have to give a massive shoutout to our partners who were instrumental in the judging process, ensuring the nominations process was credible and that different views and perspectives were taken into account while assessing applications.
We initially reached out to the potential partners at the beginning of 2022 and we weren’t sure what the response would be. But they all said yes! Thank you so much to The CBI, Future Men, Business In The Community, Working Families, Fatherhood Institute, Pregnant Then Screwed, Global Equality Collective and The Women’s Medical Federation. These are all fantastic organisations who are helping to lead the way to create change, improve support for working parents, redefine what it means to be a dad and achieve true gender equality at home and in the workplace.
Why supporting working dads to be active parents at home is important
Supporting working dads is absolutely essential to creating well-functioning societies, businesses and families. I am personally very happy to see more work being done in recent years to look at fatherhood experiences at work, assess how we can close the care gap, redefine gender based parenting roles and change attitudes around what it means to be a man and a dad. We’ve all come a long way in recent years and this has been accelerated by the pandemic, but there is much more work to do to get to where we need to be.
Supporting working dads and promoting equal parenting is essential to workplace gender equality, increasing women’s representation at senior levels and eradicating the motherhood penalty.
The large disparity in the gender pay gap comes about when the first baby is born into a family and for us to address this, we need to support and encourage dads to share the load in the months and years after their baby is born. This can be achieved through good parental leave policies and flexible working. Importantly, this needs to be underpinned and led from the top, with leadership that create and nurture a culture where all fathers are encouraged and supported to be active parents at home.
Supporting working dads is also essential to improving mental health and wellbeing. We know 10% of new dads will suffer from some symptoms of post-natal depression in the first 6 months of becoming a new father and 39% of expectant dads are concerned about their mental health. The opportunity for a father to be at home to bond with their new baby and support their partner is integral to maintaining mental health, wellbeing and relationships. And it’s not just in the first year that fathers need support, research tells us that parents will experience more mental health problems than non-parents.
Supporting working dads also has huge implications for the outcomes for our children. The research shows us that consistent and nurturing paternal involvement results in better outcomes in regards to children’s resilience, education and wellbeing.
The world has changed and being a progressive employer that supports working dads is becoming increasingly important for keeping and attracting talented staff. The trend we are seeing is that parents are increasingly looking for support from their employer to help them balance caring and work responsibilities. Research from Working Families showed that one in three working parents are looking to share care more equally in the future. And BITC’s Equal Lives report in 2018 found that one in six dads had moved jobs or organisations to get better support for their caring responsibilities.
Increasingly, employer brand is becoming more important as consumers make spending decisions based on whether the organisations values align with their own. In this modern climate of consumer power and a conscious spending, Environmental, Social and Governance (ESG) and Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) has become pivotal. Employers need to publicly show how they are contributing to building a sustainable and fair society to compete in an ever-evolving marketplace.
When employers put in place policies and practices to support working dads, it’s really important to consider intersectionality. The recent Business In The Community ‘Who Cares’ report highlights the additional barriers that caring poses to progression and promotion in the workplace if you are from a Black, Asian and Minority background. These barriers will also be felt if you are from a lower socio-economic background, are a single parent or a parent of a child with a disability or neurodiversity. The layering of these characteristics is important to recognise and we all need to consider how we help those who need it most.
The Working Dads Employer Awards aim to highlight the employers that are showing leadership and being proactive in supporting working dads. Our aim is to share the work they are doing to help other employers do the same. When it comes to solutions that work, these will often have to be tailored to the individual organisations context but there are principles and practises that are true and effective across the board. Over the next couple of months we will be developing case studies that showcase the award winners and highlight the work they have been doing.
An employer that creates a family friendly environment and supports working dads will benefit from improved workplace gender equality and a decreased gender pay gap, more healthy, present and productive employees through improved mental health, an increase in retention rates and recruitment of sought after talented staff and an improved employer brand through contributions to building a fair and sustainable society.
The Working Dads Employer Awards ceremony
The Working Dads Employer Awards inaugral ceremony took place in Parliament on Tuesday 24th May. We had the amazing and influential Anna Whitehouse (Mother Pukka) co-hosting alongside Andrew Gwynne MP (chair of the Fatherhood APPG).
Elliott addressing the audience at the Working Dads Employer Awards in Parliament
The turnout was brilliant, it was packed! And the vibe was perfect, it felt like a real celebration. I said in my speech at the event that the people in the room were part of the group that’s going to lead us into the future and I can’t thank everyone one of you enough for coming out and supporting. In the room we had broadcasters, MPs, staff working parents network chairs, HR leaders, campaigners, podcasters, coaches and charities.
It was a room full of love, excitement, optimism and a shared understanding of the work we need to do to support working dads and create family friendly organisations.
The audience looking for the selfie frame at the Working Dads Employer Awards!
After the main ceremony we had so much fun taking pictures with the Working Dads Employer Awards selfie frame (you may have seen some of the pictures floating around on Linkedin!).
To everybody that attended, I can’t put into words my gratitude. There are too many names to mention, thank you for doing the work you do ❤
Which employers won an award and what did they win for?
The Working Dads Employer Awards have four categories that recognise the holistic support needed to support working dads across their whole journey as fathers. The four categories are:
- Flexible Working
- Support for Returning Fathers
- Leadership and Culture
- Parental Leave policies
Flexible Working award
The Flexible Working Award, presented to Now Teach and Suffolk County Council, celebrates organisations that are not simply ticking the box when they talk about or implement flexible working but rather see flexible working as central to what they do and the default in their business and are striving to make this accessible to working Dads.
Suffolk County Council collecting their Flexible Working Award
Support for Returning Fathers award
The Supporting Returning Dads Award, presented to John Lewis, Suffolk County Council and Vodafone, celebrates the importance of actively managing fathers transition back into the workplace after long periods of caring leave to help them manage work-life balance and keep their careers on track.
Vodafone collecting their Support for Returning Fathers award
Leadership and Culture Award
The Leadership and Culture Award, presented to Aon, recognises supportive workplace culture with broad leadership teams committed to supporting Dads at work and challenging cultural expectations that only mothers can engage in childcare.
Aon have introduced an innovative Dads@Aon initiative which encourages dads to meet and talk about the challenges they experience. The group values intersectionality and is sponsored by an executive level champion.
Aon collecting their Leadership & Culture award
Parenting Policies Award
The Parenting Policies Award, presented to Aviva, John Lewis, Nationwide, Suffolk County Council, Vodafone and Waltham Forest Council celebrates organisations who excel in enhancing their parenting policies and encouraging fathers to use these policies.
Some examples of good work from the award winners includes equal parenthood policies where dads get 6 months paid paternity leave (4 months fully paid), compassionate leave for parents who experience baby loss and delayed paternity leave for dads who have premature babies.
Waltham Forest collecting their Parenting Policies award
The case studies and next steps
Celebrating the employers doing work to support working dads is just one function of the awards. The other is to amplify their work and share best practise to encourage other employers to do the same. We will be producing a series of video case studies to share the details of the work these employers have done across the four categories.
We will also be building on the awards to make them bigger and better next year, judging by the interest and attendance at the inaugural award ceremony, I think we’ll need a bigger room next time! We hope to get even more nominations for the 2023 awards and to see more innovative approaches to supporting working dads.
How I can support your organisation to support working dads
Hearing from dads is so important, engaging them in conversations about their needs, attitudes and wants. I can help create an open culture around speaking about fatherhood. So important to have open conversations, deeper level of vulnerability. Link to the engaging dads workshop.
My work is all about presenting new ideas, creating inclusive environments for open conversations and being a catalyst for culture change. I love to challenge internalised beliefs and highlight how we are all capable and responsible for change. I specialise in supporting dads in the workplace, redefining masculinity, allyship, dad’s and men’s mental health, gender equality, inclusive relationships and creating family friendly workplaces and communities.
I frequently work with HR leads, staff parenting networks, gender networks, D&I teams and leadership teams through workshops and keynotes. I pride myself on providing an excellent service and tailoring my work to provide unique solutions to help address your objectives.
All my sessions are emotive, raw, and powerful. They are grounded in personal stories while incorporating the latest research, data and best practise. I use slido, Q&A and panel discussions to ensure my sessions are interactive and immersive. This is all packaged up in a friendly, personable and relaxed approach with a nice sprinkle of humour.
To help support you to see the culture change you desire, my sessions are supported with carefully crafted communications materials to set the tone for the events and encourage participation before the event. And post-event, I provide toolkits to support team-level conversations using content and outputs from the workshop to facilitate further conversations and embed culture change.
I am all about helping you to achieve your objectives, whether that be launching your parenting network, supporting your colleagues mental health and wellbeing, engaging more men in your DEI and gender equality work, building an inclusive culture with allyship at the core or helping senior leaders to foster more inclusive relationships.
Find out more here
by fourpointdigital | Jan 29, 2026 | Uncategorized
What does it mean for dads to ‘parent out loud’ at work?
And how does this increase take-up of paternity leave and flexible working?
Well…enhanced paternity leave and other inclusive family friendly policies are essential. They are the foundation. But to support them and ensure take-up of the policies from dads, we need to do the culture change work.
As the saying goes…culture eats strategy for breakfast.
We need to remove the stigma and change the narrative around fatherhood in the workplace. We can do this through inclusive leadership, progressive role models, safe spaces for conversation, line management training, flagship events and inclusive communications.
All this will encourage dads to parent out loud at work. And once they can do this, they’ll be much more likely to take full advantage of the policies available. And then we’ll see all the benefits to gender equity, retention, wellbeing and mental health.
You’ll know dads are parenting out loud when they are:
💡 Joining your parenting network and speaking about their experiences
💡Telling colleagues they can’t make a meeting because of childcare
💡Putting school pick-ups in their diary
💡Including childcare activities on their out of office
💡Proudly requesting flexible working and parental leave
What else would you add?
by fourpointdigital | Jan 29, 2026 | Uncategorized
This article was first published in The Independent on Saturday 8th July. However, it is behind a paywall so I wanted to also share it here for accessibility.
The work on men’s issues is happening, but who’s been listening?
“I had a call from the school, my son was having a mental health crisis and I had to go and pick him up. But I felt like I couldn’t tell my manager. In my workplace, there’s an unspoken rule that men don’t prioritise family. It’s work first. I picked up my son and joined my next meeting from the car while he was crying in the back seat. No-one was aware of what I was dealing with”.
This was from a dad I spoke to a couple of months ago. The common story of how conventional ideas of masculinity still hold strong.
And I can relate to this on a deeply personal level.
When my daughter was born, she was very unwell. She was lifeless and grey, and I’ll never forget the doctors sucking fluid out of her airwaves with a straw on one side of the room while my wife bled out heavily on the other side of the room. After the birth, we spent some time in Neo Natal Intensive Care and Special Care. After 2 weeks, we finally got the good news that we could go home from the hospital. My paternity leave had finished so after a weekend at home as a family and a few days of annual leave, I was back at work with a smile on my face.
But I was broken inside.
Having been through the most traumatic experience of my life, I felt it was my duty to get on with it, to show the world that I was OK and that everything was under control. But I was having panic attacks, insomnia and anxiety. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD.
From that experience I learnt a lot about myself. I asked myself why I didn’t think it was OK to talk to my closest friends and family about what I was going through. And I reflected on what support is available to men and dads as they go through the challenges of life, as they live through this beautiful, but sometimes painful, experience that is the human existence.
So many of us have grown up in a world where to be successful as a man you can only be, and must always be, strong, stoic, a provider, a breadwinner and a protector. That you must prioritise work. That you must be mentally and physically dominant. That you can’t show emotion. That you must fix things. And that you must have all of the answers, all of the time.
These conventional ideas of masculinity are harmful to men. And moving away from them is not just a nice thing to do, it’s absolutely fundamental to our mental health, our physical health, our relationships, our friendships, our roles as fathers and our longevity.
Moving towards positive masculinity means that, as men, we can be strong and stoic, and we can also be sensitive and vulnerable. We can provide, and we can be provided for. We can protect, and we can be protected. We can be leaders, and we can be led.
This is what true gender equity looks like.
A society where women and men have the freedom to be themselves, to make decisions based on their personal desires rather than societal expectations, to be safe and to be successful at work and at home.
Gender equity is good for everybody.
For many years, this has gone unsaid and unnoticed in the mainstream media.
So I am encouraged to see the recent focus on men’s issues through the Guardian article and the newly published book ‘What About Men?’ from Caitlin Moran.
The article quite rightly highlights some of the gender inequalities that affect men and how conventional ideas of masculinity are harmful to all of us.
Dads are often treated and perceived as secondary parents, largely caused and compounded by the UK having one of the least generous paternity leave packages in the whole of Europe. 1 in 5 dads don’t take any paternity leave due to affordability and when in the workplace, fathers are twice less likely to have their flexible working requests approved than mums. In a recent YouGov survey, almost one in five (18%) of men said they have no close friends. Three out of every four suicides are men. One in five men die before the age of 65. 40% of men die before the age of 75. Men are 43% more likely to die from cancer.
Prostate Cancer is the most diagnosed cancer in the UK and often, it’s diagnosed very late. A dad who came to one of our peer-to-peer sessions spoke about how he was urinating frequently in the night and having unusual pain for months. But he didn’t think it was right to ask for time off work to go to the doctors. He was eventually rushed to hospital and had emergency surgery for late-stage prostate cancer. He is still alive. He was lucky. Men not visiting the doctors for their emotional and physical pain is not new it’s been this way for generations.
In addition, men and boys are more likely to be homeless, under-achieve at school, be expelled from school, be murdered, lose custody of their children after divorce and become addicted to drugs, pornography and alcohol. And there’s so much more, the list goes on.
However, the Guardian article mentions that “there is no semi-organised, progressive movement that habitually raises, and then campaigns in support of, solutions for male problems.”
This is just simply not true.
There have been so many organisations working on men’s issues for many years. However, these issues, and the associated organisations, haven’t had the consistent mainstream attention they need. So the vast majority of the general public won’t know they exist.
It’s also debatable as to whether there has been the wider public appetite to have a productive discourse around men’s issues.
Talking about men’s issues can be met with resistance. And when presenting men’s issues to the wider public, it takes a considerable amount of care, compassion and nuance. Even in me writing this article, I am aware that it will trigger negative emotions for some people.
As men we are privileged in so many ways and we hold so much power. And yes, some men have been responsible for inflicting terrible pain and harm on others.
So, talking about the challenges men face can seem counter intuitive. At work, men are often only invited in the room to talk about inclusion from the position of them being better allies. And of course, those conversations need to continue, but we also need to find space for men to talk about the challenges in their own lives.
And we need to reframe allyship. In this context, men being allies to women, and practicing positive masculinity through, for example working flexibly and sharing childcare responsibilities, is allyship in the traditional sense, but also absolutely represents men being allies to themselves and improving their own life outcomes.
We also urgently need a new progressive model for male success. The lack of one is contributing to many of our young people being influenced by Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson and the manosphere who are selling a very toxic and harmful brand of masculinity.
Through my work, I know men and boys have been calling out for help and support.
But who’s been listening?
And who’s been listening to the organisations who have been supporting men and boys?
Is the world ready for this conversation?
I presented a documentary last year on BBC One called Becoming Dad. It covered issues around dad’s mental health, work-life balance and masculinity. It was one of the 20 most watched documentaries across the whole BBC network in 2022. I think this shows that, as a society, we are now more open to the conversation about some of the challenges that men face.
It’s in addressing men’s issues, in addition to continuing and going further with the work on women’s issues, that we can create true gender equality for us all.
And now is the perfect opportunity to highlight some of the organisations that are working to improve men’s mental health, fatherhood involvement, addiction, homelessness, loneliness and everything in between.
These organisations are offering solutions. How? By providing young boys with positive male role models through mentorship programmes. By going into schools and talking to boys about healthy masculinity, relationships and identity. By creating safe spaces for men to talk in a vulnerable way about the challenges they are facing in their lives and receive peer support in doing so. By educating and empowering men with the information they need around prostate cancer. By campaigning for better paternity leave. By helping health providers to be more inclusive. By celebrating and recognising employers that offer flexible working and support dads to ‘parent out loud’ at work. By supporting expectant dads through the maternity process.
The Men and Boys Coalition is the umbrella organisation which brings together many of the companies and individuals across the UK who support men and boy’s issues. They have partnered with the Men’s Health Forum to campaign for a national men’s health strategy. They need more support from MPs, the mainstream media and all of us to make this happen.
And they do this work with everybody in mind. Yes, men may be the primary audience, but we understand that this is about creating a better world for us all; men, women and children.
So if you read this article and feel moved to action. Please engage with the organisations that are fighting for gender equity by supporting men and boys.
If we engage men and boys in the conversation around gender equity and put more effort into the solutions to the issues that affect them, we will create a better world for all of us. We will create healthier and happy men who live longer, spend more time with their children and contribute positively to society.
We are in this together. I have used ‘men’s issues’ and ‘women’s issues’ in this article for clarity of messaging but, these are all our issues. They are human issues. This is not a competition, but a shared endeavour.
And if we want to improve things for ourselves, our families, our communities and the next generation, we need to come together and work collectively on the challenges that impact us all.
I hope now that the world is listening.
Elliott Rae is the founder of the parenting platform MusicFootballFatherhood, called the ‘Mumsnet for Dads’ by the BBC. He is the curator of the bestselling book, DAD, presenter of BBC documentary ‘Becoming Dad’, co-founder of the Working Dads Employer Awards and one of the UK’s most prominent speakers on fatherhood, mental health and masculinity.
Some of the organisations that are working towards gender equality by supporting men and boys:
The Fatherhood Institute – is the UK’s fatherhood think-and-do-tank. They collate, publish and mobilise international research on fathers and their impact on children and mothers. And lobby for changes in law, policy and practice to dismantle barriers to UK fathers’ care of infants and children
Future Men – through a front-line delivery of practice-led services, Future Men work with boys and men to help them become dynamic and healthy future men. From structured school programmes and youth hubs to individual one-to-one sessions and outreach work, Future Men provide the vital support and advocacy that changes boys and men’s lives for the better.
Pregnant Then Screwed – is a charity dedicated to ending the motherhood penalty and they have a new campaign to increase statutory paternity leave to six weeks at 90% pay.
Dad Matters – help to get dads engaged with maternity and health services that have traditionally been targeted at mums. And work directly with services that support Dads, families and especially babies to increase engagement and knowledge across the sector.
Father 2 Father – is a multi-award-winning trauma informed specialist Community Interest Company that supports boys, men, fathers and families along the path to become their true selves whilst also addressing social issues, stereotypes and prejudice.
MusicFootballFatherhood – is the UK’s most exciting parenting platform for men. All about open conversations about fatherhood and supporting dads through community, content and campaigning.
Beyond Equality – works with men and boys towards gender equality inclusive communities and healthier relationships.
Andys Man Club – is a men’s suicide prevention charity, offering free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online. The aim is to end stigma surrounding men’s mental health and help men through the power of conversation
Working Dads Employer Awards – celebrates employers that are supporting working dads through leadership, flexible working and enhanced paternity leave policies
Working Families – Working Families is the UK’s national charity for working parents and carers. Our mission is to remove the barriers that people with caring responsibilities face in the workplace.
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – takes a stand against suicide by provoking conversation, running life-saving services and bringing people together so they reject living miserably and get help when they need it.
Prostate Cancer UK – Prostate Cancer UK’s top priority is funding research to stop prostate cancer killing men. We’re investing millions to find better treatments and better tests that can spot fast-growing cancers early, and could be used in a screening programme to save thousands of lives.
Movember – the leading charity changing the face of men’s health. Since 2003, Movember has funded more than 1,250 men’s health projects around the world, challenging the status quo, shaking up men’s health research and transforming the way health services reach and support men.
Mark Williams – Mark Williams is an advocate for fathers’ mental health. He is a motivational speaker and, on a mission, to start the conversation about fathers’ perinatal mental health issues and mental health in general. Mark has been featured in the media several times and has spoken at more than 350 conferences and events.
Alex Holmes – is a wellbeing consultant, therapeutic coach and trainee psychotherapist. He works exclusively with men and wrote the book ‘Time To Talk: How men think about love belonging and connection’.
