Ahead of Equal Parenting Week, we worked with YouGov to examine the reality of equal parenting in the UK. The findings are stark. Our research found that dads are more than twice as likely (49 percent) as mums (21 percent) to say they are in an equal-parenting household.
Speaking to 2,000 mums and dads, the report uncovered the invisible caring load, revealing a huge imbalance in parenting across households in the UK, with mums doing the lion’s share. This imbalance is directly impacting mothers’ careers at a much faster rate than dads’, causing the majority of mums (53%) careers to be negatively impacted (having their working hours reduced/ decreased responsibility) after becoming a parent, compared to just one in seven dads (13%).
The stats show that mothers’ careers are being impacted at 4 times (53% vs 13%)the rate of fathers, resulting in nearly 1 in 8 mothers stepping back from paid work entirely.
But this doesn’t work for dads either. On average, dads’ salaries will increase as their kids grow up, but this comes at a cost. Dads want to embrace equal parenting and have a close relationship with their children, but are often stuck in a traditional provider role, which means they have disproportionate pressure to be present at work and are often expected to prioritise work over family life. This can be devastating for life satisfaction and the mental health and wellbeing for dads.
The research comes ahead of Equal Parenting Week – our national awareness week designed to shine a light on the benefits of equal parenting, by bringing parents, campaigners and politicians together to discuss the issues that are driving inequality in parenting.
We are calling for a systems change. One that supports dads to be equal parents from the very beginning of their child’s life, so they can truly share the load. And this means better paternity leave and flexible working for all parents.
Elliott Rae, Founder of Parenting Out Loud and Equal Parenting Week, comments, “Dads want to be equal parents, they want to be involved parents today more than ever before. But this data shows a glaring difference between perceptions and reality of equal parenting in the UK. But the blame is on the system – one that tells dads to provide and mums to care, rather than supporting the family to share the care in a way that works for them. At the moment, it’s not working for anyone, and it’s no surprise that working parents are at their wits’ end, relationships are strained and more young people are deciding not to have children at all.”
A third of families (35%) say they are on an equal footing with parenting, but 72% of mums say they do more than 60% of the parenting duties, and just 15% of dads say the same. Not only is this causing mothers’ careers to shrink – and, in some cases, end entirely – but it is also slowing progression.
Dads are more than twice as likely as mums (24% compared to 11%) to say that their career continued to progress at the same rate or faster than when they became a parent.
What it looks like when couples work on equal parenting
Some couples are actively working hard to make equal parenting happen. Like Michael Wilkins, a dad of 2 aged 2 and 8 months and his wife Emily living in High Wycombe. He told u:
“I think it became obvious when I went back to work after our first child, and we assumed fairly typical gender roles. There’s still an imbalance, and I think that’s probably realistic with young children and a big life transition, but it’s something we’re consciously working on together. For us, the first real step in addressing it was for me to be home more to properly support day-to-day life. That meant moving to flexible working and condensing my hours so I could be more present, not just physically but mentally too. It shifted me from stepping in when needed to genuinely sharing responsibility, and that’s been an ongoing process rather than a one-time fix.”
The world has evolved; most parent households are now dual-income, but the system hasn’t evolved to support dads to be equal parents. In reality, it’s not that one parent is being better at finding presents for the kids, or buying the clothes or being naturally better at organising birthday parties – it’s the lack of paternity leave that forces dads back to work 2 weeks after becoming a father and, in many cases, unsupportive workplace environments that reinforce these harmful gender roles. As Elliott say, “It’s time that we come together to put stakes in the ground to commit to change, together.”
Ruchika and Vikram Kalara, are parents to a 3 and a 1 year old and are living in Hammersmith talk about their commitment to making equal parenting work:
“The system isn’t neutral, it has a default, and the default is mum. From the moment paternity leave is capped at two weeks and maternity at a year, the architecture of early parenthood is already decided. She steps back; he steps up at work. In our house it has never been 50/50. It shifts week to week, project to project. What we’ve built is the confidence to step into whatever role the moment needs, without embarrassment, without other people’s judgement, without keeping score. That flexibility has let both of us build careers we’re proud of and a relationship without quiet resentment. And for our children, when dad shows up, it isn’t exceptional. It’s just normal and that’s precisely the point.”
Join us for Equal Parenting Week
Equal Parenting Week is a new national awareness and action campaign designed to challenge traditional gender roles in caregiving and champion a more balanced, inclusive approach to parenting – at home and in the workplace.
Equal Parenting Week takes place from the 27th April and will culminate in a Push for Paternity Leave pram march with hundreds of parents descending on parliament with prams to highlight that dads need better paternity leave so that they can show up as more equal parents from the outset.